Hello and welcome to the greatest piece of artwork I will ever write.
Once again Pokémon is sweeping the nation and I couldn't be happier. Allow me, a Pokémon master to illustrate the similarities between the Pokémon world and your Texas Rangers. They have more in common than one might think.
I've taken 24 Rangers players and decided the Pokémon to which they are most similar. This is the crossroads of the two things over which I've spent my time obsessing. Without further ado, enjoy my masterpiece.
Shin-Soo Choo: Alakazam
Both are highly intelligent beings, yet neither are as agile as they were at lower levels.
Cole Hamels: Lapras
Both of these creatures are quite rare (southpaw aces and giant sea beasts are both valued commodities). These two possess a calm demeanor and both are known for carrying large groups of people, even teams, on
their backs.
Rougned Odor: Hitmonchan
They both hit people in the face. Some of these write themselves.
Prince Fielder: Snorlax
These two are both big loveable creatures.
Ian Desmond: Arcanine
Arcanine runs so smoothly, it appears to be flying and is known for its majestic cry. Desmond's Pokédex entry also reads something like that. Plus both are unnaturally handsome creatures.
Nomar Mazara: Articuno
Fitting that the Big Chill be comparable to an ice Pokémon. Mazara and Articuno are dominant without superfluous flair. All they do is dominate opponents.
Adrian Beltre: Charizard
One of very few Pokémon capable of handling the pressure of being compared to Adrian Beltre. The future HOFer is a raging flying fireball of baseball badassary.
Ryan Rua: Tauros
Like Rua, Tauros is highly undervalued who gives you good production without breaking the bank.
Elvis Andrus: Pikachu
They're both very recognizable, flashy, personable, and chronically criticized for being overrated and overpaid.
Yu Darvish: Mewtwo
I’m fairly certain these two were created in a laboratory with the sole purpose of becoming an unstoppable destructive force.
Robinson Chirinos: Butterfree
Both are around replacement level players with plus sentimental value.
Sam Dyson: Diglett
Dyson's extreme groundball rate started this comparison. Also whenever he’s around media Dyson looks like he would rather bury himself underground.
Keone Kela: Charmeleon
He throws straight fire and I’m almost convinced that Kela’s evolved form is Adrian Beltre.
Martin Perez: Ditto
Honestly I'm not sure what to make of either one.
Jake Diekman: Ninetails
They both spit fire and have appendages flying every which way in the heat of battle. Also I'm pretty sure Ninetails is also a huge Game Of Thrones fan, because who isn't?
Mitch Moreland: Machoke
Both are incredibly strong but other than that I don’t really get what others see in them. Looking at you Jon Daniels and Hiker Dave on Route 12.
Matt Bush: Muk
Because his stuff is just nasty.
Shawn Tolleson: Exeggcute
In order to have success he has to exeggcute his pitches very well. Surely you didn't think I'd go an entire article without a pun, did you?
Tony Barnette: Pidgeot
Because they've both got that flow.
Bobby Wilson: Golem
When he’s behind the dish and at the plate his shape reminds me of golem.
Jurickson Profar: Dragonair
Both are quite rare and on the precipice of greatness. Also I'm far too attached to both.
Alex Claudio: Psyduck
He’s slow but deceptively effective.
Derek Holland: Clefable
Both are hard to take seriously in situations besides battle, however both are formidable foes in the heat of combat.
Colby Lewis: Kangaskhan
For whatever reason I can easily see Colby carrying around a younger player in a pouch on his belly (Probably Chi Chi Gonzalez).
Brice is available on Twitter @80gradewhitt when he isn't out catching Pokémon on his phone.
