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While I Have Your Attention: Pam Gerber

This is the story of Pam Gerber, an LGBTQ+ advocate who is celebrating 35 years of marriage to her wife.

DALLAS — In May of 2020 we handed over our platform to Black voices in our North Texas community through a series called “While I Have Your Attention.” 

Those courageous souls spoke out against racial bias, race based violence, and systemic racism. 

Now, as we mark another Pride Month that celebrates the LGBTQ+ community, we are, once again, turning our platform over to our family, friends, and neighbors to amplify even more voices in the struggle for equality in America.

Here is Pam Gerber's story, a LGBTQ+ advocate celebrating 35 years of marriage to her wife:

“Okay, so Yoda says try not, do. So fast forward that onto planet earth and you’ve got good intentions. Not good enough. Do.

I was having coffee with a guy once who does a lot for social justice and he said there’s no such thing as good intentions.

Now that I have your attention, I would say see me. Don’t judge me.

I’m Pam Gerber. And I’m a Jewish lesbian feminist vegetarian -- a wife of about to celebrate 35 years.

I remember when I was home from high school.  I was 17 years old. I remember my mom coming into the room and essentially telling me I was gay.  And I didn’t really know what that meant, but she was super cool about it. Fast forward. My mom locks herself into the bedroom for three days and I can hear her crying behind the door. And when she finally came out she said “Where did I go wrong?”

I could come back with a cliché thing like “It’s okay. You have to love yourself.” But the truth is -- you don’t really ever get used to it. You acknowledge it and embrace it. And you live your life. And when someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, I hope your answer is happy.

I was exceptionally proud the day that we were able to raise the pride flag at City Hall because that was basically saying, “We’re here. Get used to it.” That doesn’t happen overnight. And it takes leadership and vision. And, hallelujah! Welcome to Dallas.

So I know that the word pride is used as a blanket statement for our community. For me, however, I’ve never really looked at my sexual orientation as something to be proud of. It just is who I am.

When I told a friend of mine -- a colleague of mine -- years ago that we were getting married, he said “I’m so proud of you.” And I said when you were announcing your marriage to your wife, did people say to you they’re so proud of you? No. They said congratulations.

What I hope to see in the not too distant future is when someone says they’re getting married, they don’t have to specify gay marriage.

I’m as simple and as boring as the next married couple.  Count me in. It doesn’t matter if it’s male, female, gender fluid.  It’s who I love. That’s my future.”

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